Origami
by Laura W
Summary: A friendship over time. Written for the VAMB Secret Drabble 2014 exchange. (P/T, lightly implied J/C.)
1. Chapter 1

This was written for VAMB Secret Drabble 2014. My request was for a friendship story, any pairing, with the first line, "I fold." I gifted one part of this to splv, but it just wouldn't leave me alone. So I kept writing. This is the result. Enjoy. (Oh, and I'll try to wrap up "Joyride" this weekend, too, for those of you who've asked.)

**Secret Drabble 2014**

** "****Origami"**

**Step One:**

_Bring the lower left corner of the square to the upper right corner and crease to form a new shape: a triangle._

I fold the last of the newly replicated clothes and stuff them in a drawer and slam the drawer shut so hard the bulkhead shudders.

This is wrong, all of this is wrong and stupid and it's all I can do to keep myself from screaming and running to the shuttlebay and stealing a ship and taking as many of us with me as I can and getting the hell out of here.

You're the only thing that's keeping me from it.

I can see you in the mirror above the little sink. You're standing there calm and in control as if this isn't happening the way I think it is or isn't even happening at all.

"It's the right thing to do, Torres," you say and I snarl and whirl around.

"For you, maybe, Chakotay, but it's not the right thing for me or any of the rest of us."

"What makes you think that?"

"Look at me!" I shout. "Tell me you really think I can survive on a Starfleet ship."

"I think you can. In fact, I think you'll do well here."

"And where is 'here,' anyway? The middle of nowhere, that's where it is, and we are stuck here with…with these people who look at us like we're diseased or something."

"No, they don't." Your soft voice makes me even madder because deep down I know you're right. "They're in the same situation we are, having the same doubts."

"Doubts?" I laugh and it comes out as a humorless bark. "They're good little Starfleet officers. They're not allowed to have doubts."

"Of course they do. They're scared and unsure, just like we are."

"They didn't even question her!"

"They won't. Not openly."

"Not the way I did, you mean."

"No."

We stare at each other in the empty and quiet room and it hits me that you are taking this better than any of the rest of us and my hands clench into fists. "You want to stay, don't you?"

"I don't think we have any choice." I'm so angry I don't even care that you didn't answer the question.

"Not since you blew up my damn ship, we don't."

"_My_ ship, B'Elanna." There's a warning rumble in your voice, the same one I heard on the Bridge a few hours ago. "_My_ ship, my decision. My decision here, too."

I slam my hand on the bulkhead and you don't even flinch. "So we stay."

"We stay."

"What about the Maquis?" I counter. "What about the Cardies and the abandoned colonies? What about your father, Chakotay? And your sister?"

Your shoulders droop a little. "I know. It's not going to be easy to let all of that go, but we have to if this is going to work. We have to give up that fight, at least while we're here."

"And what are we supposed to do here, Chakotay? Hang around our quarters for the next seventy years?"

"Of course not. I had trained Starfleet personnel and talented people in my crew, and she lost people, too. She's going to review your records, and then we're going to work together to find places for you. We think-"

I lunge at you. "'We think?' Are you already working for her?"

You roll your shoulders and duck your head and I know, I just know, what you're going to say. "She offered me a position and I accepted. First Officer."

You expect me to be furious and I am but you're the one who taught me how mask that fury when it was necessary to survive. So I breathe in – _one, two, three, four_ – hold for seven, exhale for eight. I wonder if you even notice it. "First Officer. Congratulations, Chakotay."

You give me a tight smile. "Under the circumstances I don't think congratulations are exactly appropriate. But thank you anyway."

I turn away and rap my knuckles on top of the dresser while I breathe in and out again. "Do you trust her?"

You don't even hesitate, you just blurt it out like it's a relief to say it. "Yes. I trust her."

I angle my head enough that I can see you in the little mirror again because I think that if I looked you in the eye right now you'd duck my next question with a twisted joke or another evasion or a really bad story. "Why?"

"Destroying the Array was the right thing to do." The words sound rehearsed but the tone of your voice tells me that you're working it out for yourself right now, right here in these quarters, after you've already accepted the job. "The right thing, but not the _easy_ thing. That…surprised me. She could have gotten us back to the Alpha Quadrant, but only at the expense of the Ocampa. She wasn't willing to sacrifice their lives."

I stop breathing so carefully and whirl on you. "She sacrificed ours instead!"

"And that's what it means to be a starship Captain." In your voice there's a note of admiration I have never heard from you before. "She sacrificed our futures, and hers, for the greater good. She stuck to the principles we were taught."

"Would you have done the same thing?"

"Yes. In a Vulcan heartbeat."

"She'd have turned us over to the Federation for those principles."

"Yes."

"She still could, if we get back."

"Maybe. We'll just have to convince her not to." You give me a sly grin and I can't help but smile. "Seventy years should be enough."

I shake my head at you. "Seska's not going to like it."

You shrug. "I've been trying to stop seeing Seska for months, but it was hard to get away from her on my ship."

I gesture around the room, taking in the corridors, the decks, the upper and lower hulls. "Got plenty of room now. And a perfect excuse."

You nod. "I'm going to break it off and make it stick."

"Good."

You cock an eyebrow at me. "Why?"

I shrug. "She's wrong for you, Chakotay. You have lousy taste in women, but she's the worst."

You give a dark chuckle. "You'll get no argument from me there."

Again we gaze at each other in the silent little room. "First Officer, huh?" You nod. "What about me?"

"I'm sure we can find a place for you in Engineering." I nod and stare at my feet. "It's better here," you say softly. "You can see that, can't you? When was the last time any of us had a room like this, or a comfortable bed to sleep in, or hot meals three times a day? When was the last time we could stop watching our backs and relax because there were enough of us to protect each other? When was the last time you felt this safe?"

I look up. "You feel safe?"

You nod. "Safer than I have in the last couple of years. Don't you?"

I turn and sit down on the edge of the bed. I think about the years of fighting and running and hiding in the Maquis and before. "I guess I do."

"I won't tell you it's going to be easy. Nothing worth doing ever is." You sit down next to me. "But it's going to be okay, B'Elanna. We could have good lives here. We _will_. I'll make sure of it."

"I know you will."

You rub your chin with your fingertips. "There's just one thing."

I narrow my eyes. "What?"

"We're going to have to wear these." You separate the pile of red and yellow and black fabric you brought with you and hand part of it to me.

Together in the silence of my new quarters, we unfold our Starfleet uniforms.

###


	2. Chapter 2

**"Origami"**

**Step Two:**

_Take the lower corner up so that it overlaps and extends above the upper edge – not quite squarely, slightly offset – press to form a sharp crease, then unfold._

I fold the tricorder shut and slam it on the table. I've been staring at it for almost half an hour and the readings haven't changed. They _won't_ change. I know this. The Captain and the Doc ran the numbers over and over and over again and there's no other explanation and no other way. I pound my fist on the table in frustration.

There's a light tapping noise and I look up and there you are, leaning against the wall next to the forcefield the Doc put up to prevent whatever's making you and the Captain ill from getting loose all over the ship.

You look terrible.

You look as pale and sick and weak as I've ever seen you and it makes me so angry because it shouldn't have happened this way. You and the Captain shouldn't have been in the same landing party, you shouldn't have acquired the same virus, and you shouldn't be quarantined together now. I start to say something but you shake your head and hook your thumb toward the room behind you. I stand up and tiptoe over to you until I can see the Captain on the biobed just beyond your empty one. She's asleep. She looks even more pale and drawn than you do. You're two of the strongest, bravest people I know and seeing you both this way is like a punch to the gut.

We're going to put you back in stasis in a few hours, you and the Captain. We're going to leave you behind and there's not a damn thing any of us can do about it.

"Hey, B'Elanna," you say and your voice is thin and scratchy. It makes my eyes water.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

You shrug. Then you slump over a little as if that one physical gesture has exhausted you. "How are _you_ feeling?"

I growl and forget the sleeping Captain and slap my hand on the wall next to you. Because this is just like you, _just like you_, Chakotay, to ask how I'm feeling when you are standing there dying in front of me. "I hate this."

"I know."

"There has to be another way."

"There isn't," you say softly. "We've all seen the Doc's projections. If we stay in this artificial atmosphere too much longer, we'll both-" You start to cough and try to suppress it. You turn and eye the Captain and rub the middle of your chest with your fingertips.

"You should lie down."

You shake your head and turn back to me. You are slumped against the wall now and I can see your legs shaking with the effort to stay standing. "You're going to be all right, B'Elanna," you say, and the words just cut right through me. "You are strong and capable, and you're going to be all right."

"Don't tell me that," I spit at you. "Don't tell me I'm going to be fine without you because I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're going to keep this ship operating like the champion that she is, and you're going to get her home soon."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I have faith in you, B'Elanna. I have from the moment I met you. I knew you could be more than what you were, and now look at you." You give me a crooked smile. "Chief Engineer on the finest Starfleet ship in the Delta Quadrant."

"The _only_ Starfleet ship in the Delta Quadrant."

"Minor detail," you say and you start to say more but the cough comes back, worse this time, and you turn away so I can't see your face but I watch you through it all, I watch your whole body curl over and inward and I know you're so weak that you almost can't stay upright anymore.

"Lie down," I say again, but again you shake your head. "Then sit down, you stubborn fool," I snap. "Don't make me watch you _fall_ down."

You hesitate for just an instant and then you finally just let your weak body slide down until you're sitting and leaning against the wall for support. You make a quick, furtive gesture toward your mouth and I'm not sure what you wipe away but I suspect it's nothing good and I kneel down opposite you and try to peer into your face.

When you finally look at me again your eyes are haunted. "B'Elanna…"

"I'll never see you again," I blurt out and instantly want to kick myself for it.

"Sure you will," you say.

"_How?_"

"We're taking a shuttle. Maybe soon we'll find a cure for this thing and follow you."

"You'll never find us once we warp out of this system."

You give me a wicked grin and just for a second it's almost like you're _you_ again, whole and healthy. "The chaos Tom and Harry leave in their wake will be better than navigational beacons. The shore leave lawsuits alone will be like a trail of bread crumbs."

I start to laugh but it turns into tears so fast it shocks us both. "I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you, too."

I wish I could crawl into your arms one last time. "I love you," I whisper and I wonder if you know I never said those words to my own father.

"I love you, too." You lean forward just enough to make me look up. "Help Tuvok get this ship home, B'Elanna. You make me proud. Make _yourself_ proud. Make yourself a life worth living."

I wipe away my tears. "I will. I promise."

"Good." You close your eyes and lean against the wall again and I have never seen you look so small and frail and defeated.

"Go lie down, Chakotay," I plead one last time. "The stasis units will be ready in about three hours. Try to get some rest."

You sigh and nod and start to rise using the wall for leverage and all I want is to be able to take this all away from you. I'd take it on myself if I could. Any of us would.

You stumble slowly across the room but you bypass the empty bed and move to the Captain's side. While we were talking she shifted in her sleep and flung her left arm out, over the side of the biobed. You lean over and wrap your fingers around her wrist and tuck her arm back onto the bed and pull the blanket up over her shoulders. It's the most tender thing I have ever seen you do and I know… I _know_…that you're going to be okay. You're going to take care of each other, and you're both going to be all right.

You heave yourself up onto the empty biobed and close your eyes.

I watch over you until you fall asleep.

###


	3. Chapter 3

**"Origami"**

**Step 3:**

_Peform a reverse fold on the crease and bring the bottom corner up into the middle of the triangle. Gently press flat._

"I fold." You snap your cards together and throw the stack onto the table. "Too rich for me."

"The Commander is out," Tom says and turns to me. "What'll it be, Torres? In or out?"

While I'm pretending to look at my cards I watch Harry out of the corner of my eye and sure enough I catch his left knee bobbing up and down. "Out," I say and throw my cards on the table next to yours.

"Harry?"

"In," Harry practically shouts and throws a handful of dried leola root pods on the table. "And I'll raise it five rations."

Tom whistles under his breath and looks at Neelix. "And what's the Morale Officer's morale today? In or out?"

Neelix stares at his cards and hums under his breath. "In and call," he says and gently places another handful of pods on the table.

Tom puts aside the dealer's stack and picks up his own hand of cards. "The Doc is already out and now the Dealer is out, too" he says and I know he's seen Harry's knee. "It's back to you, Harry. Let's see 'em."

Harry grins and fans his cards. "Full house, Queens over nines," he says and Neelix groans while Harry rakes in all the leola root pods on the table. "It must be my lucky night."

Tom winks at me, the pig. "Must be." I'm sure he's setting Harry up for a spectacular fall later. "Who's in for another hand?"

You push your stool back from the table and rise. "Not me."

Tom grins up at you. "Early breakfast with the Captain?"

You frown and turn away. "No, she's got a meeting with Seven of Nine in the morning. But it's late and I have Alpha Shift tomorrow. I believe most of you do, too."

"Don't worry, Dad, we won't be up late," Tom mutters and I glance back at you to make sure you didn't hear that because even though Tom didn't mean anything by it you've been grouchy as an old _targ_ for a week, ever since Seven came aboard. Can't say that I blame you. "All right, the Commander's out. B'Elanna?"

I was going to stay for another hand or two in case I could figure out a way to keep Harry from going completely broke but something in the set of your shoulders bothers me so I push back from the table and rise, too. "No, I think I'll call it a night."

Tom stands up. "But we're still on for dinner tomorrow, right, B'Elanna? B'Elanna?"

I pause. You turn back to me with an amused expression and I am caught between the two of you. "Sure, Tom," I say. "Tomorrow night."

"Great," he says and sits back down. "So who's up for a little five-card draw?"

You usher me out of the cargo bay and into the corridor with a twinkle in your eye. We walk along silently with you still grinning that twisted grin and finally I can't take it anymore. "Say it, Chakotay," I blurt. "Just say it already."

You give me an innocent look that is completely unconvincing. "Say what, Torres?"

I elbow you in the ribs. "Don't give me that. You want to know about Tom and me."

"I already know about Tom and you. I'm pretty sure the whole _ship_ knows about Tom and you."

I growl and stomp on down the corridor but you dart ahead and grab me by the elbow. "Hey," you say. "It's okay. I'm not going to tease you." We enter the turbolift together and you call for our deck. "I'm…pleased for you, B'Elanna," you say and I can hear you carefully choosing your words. "Tom's all right."

I lean against the 'lift wall and stare at you. This is not the way I anticipated this conversation would happen. "You think so?"

You roll your shoulders and nod. "He's a better man than I ever gave him credit for."

"I'm glad you think so," I say and look away. "Although it's a little embarrassing."

"What is?"

"That everybody knows."

"Computer, halt lift." You tilt your head to one side. "Why would that be embarrassing?"

I can't look at you. "Because he's… and I'm…"

"You're what?"

"I'm _me_! I'm supposed to be this strong Klingon woman, and—"

"You _are_ a strong Klingon woman." You put your hands on my shoulders and force me to look up at you. "Admitting you love someone doesn't change that, B'Elanna."

"It doesn't?"

You shake your head. "And I meant what I said. He's a good man. I'm proud of you for trying to make a life worth living out here."

I wrap my arms around you and hug you hard. "Thanks," I say into your uniform jacket. "It's important to me that you're okay with this."

With a final pat on my back you let me go. "I'm happy for you."

You call for the lift to resume and turn away from me as if the topic were closed but a fleeting glimpse of sadness in your expression surprises me and the next words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "What about you?"

Your face goes blank. "What about me?" you say to the lift doors.

"When are you going to make a life worth living out here?"

You give your head a little shake. "I have enough on my plate without worrying about that."

"But, Chakotay, you can-"

"No, B'Elanna, I can't," you snap and I take a half step away from you. "Not while we're still out here in this godforsaken…" You sigh and lean against the lift wall. "I just can't."

"I know you broke things off with Seska because you didn't think you could be involved with someone under your authority, but we've obliterated every other rule in the book, Chakotay. I'm sure the Captain wouldn't mind if you asked someone-"

"This has _nothing _to do with the Captain," you practically shout and it's the first time in years I've heard you raise your voice in anger. _Years._ "It's got nothing to do with her at all," you say more softly, almost to yourself.

The lift slows to a halt and you stalk out without saying good-night and it hits me. This has _everything_ to do with the Captain.

And I can't even tell you that I know.

###


	4. Chapter 4

**"Origami"**

**Step Four:**

_Flatten the top point with another reverse fold._

I fold my hands on the podium to keep them from shaking and even though I know I should be thinking about the words on the padd my mind keeps spinning and spinning and when I look out over the crowd all I can think about is that there should be more people here.

There should be sons and daughters, there should be grandsons and granddaughters, there should be dozens of them because I think deep down it's what you wanted, all you _ever_ wanted, but instead there's just a few of us and no one who looks like you.

There aren't even enough left to crew a freighter. I can see the spaces between us were the missing ones belong. Sue Nicoletti is gone and there's a space beside Philicia. Billy Telfer is gone and there's a space beside Tal Celes. Joe Carey and his wife and his boys and their wives should be standing beside Samantha and Gres and Naomi and her family but there's a space there, too. I don't even think you met Joe's widow.

My hands start to shake again and I fold them around the padd and look out and see the other spaces, so many other spaces. Some of them have people standing in them, strangers, but all I see are the spaces.

There's a space on either side of Janeway. They've been there for far too long because Tuvok hasn't joined us at a gathering since I can't even remember when and for the longest time even when you were there beside her you weren't.

You weren't.

Oh, you were present. You sat beside her on the Bridge and carried out her orders and did your best to keep us alive and you dealt with her doubt and her guilt even as you were dealing with your own broken heart. You plastered on a smile when you had to and you carried on, but we all knew it. You weren't _there_ anymore, not even after we got back.

Neither of you were there anymore after Seven died, not in the way you had been before she died, before she moved in with you, before she joined our journey.

We all knew why you both were different after all that but it didn't make it any easier on anyone, least of all the two of you.

You know, it's funny, Chakotay. You should see her sitting in the front row with her chin held high and tears that won't fall because she won't let them. In my head I can hear her ordering them not to fall and it almost makes me laugh but then it makes me want to scream because I know what she's doing, I know she's refusing to mourn publicly for you because even though you've both always claimed you were the best of friends it's been hard between you. Nothing has ever been _easy_ between you, but the last few years? Hard. Harder than any of us could imagine, probably. She misses you now. She won't say it, but she does. She's missed you for a long time. Maybe almost as long as you missed her.

She was your one weakness, wasn't she? She was the chink in your armor that you couldn't disguise or deny because it was scrawled all over your face from the beginning, from the moment you physically stopped me from assaulting her on the Bridge of her own damn ship. You sealed our fates that day just as much as she did. Did you know that? Mike Ayala was ready. So were Seska and Chell and Dalby and Suder and all the rest. Did you know? You probably did. You probably knew exactly what you were doing and knew it was our best chance at survival and knew it was risky but smarter than trying to fight our way out.

But you were done fighting the minute you met her, weren't you?

It's too bad. You could have used some of that fighting spirit these last few years.

You told me that with Seven's death, you lost two women: The one you had but never learned to want, and the one you wanted but knew you'd never have. If you had told me ten years ago, I would probably have come at you with a _bat'leth_ for being such an idiot. But you waited to confess it after we got back and practically on your deathbed and only to me, not to her, _never_ to her and I know why but I wish I didn't.

The chink in your armor, Chakotay. The only one.

You always told me that it makes us strong, not weak, but you never applied that wisdom to yourself, did you? You never looked inward and decided that today, today is a good day to make things right, today is a good day to turn weakness to strength, today is a good day to love.

Today is a good day to try.

You were afraid that if she knew how much you'd always loved her even when you were with Seven she could never love you again.

You were wrong.

If you could see her sitting there fighting back tears your heart would break all over again and you'd know you were wrong, you proud, stubborn, stupid…

I miss you.

_Kahless_, how I miss you.

The crowd shifts and I fold my hands into fists and fight back my own tears.

There should be sons and daughters. There should be a man in the space to her left, a tall, dark-haired young man with ice-blue eyes and a crooked, mischievous smile. There should be a woman in the space to her right, smaller than her brother, brown-eyed and freckled and serious.

It's all you wanted. It's all you _both_ wanted and all you deserved and all could never have because of time and distance and mistakes and duty and all the things that came between you, all the things that you couldn't overcome, couldn't even _try_ to overcome because of…because of _us_. Because of your dedication – both yours and hers – to us and to the insane impossible journey of a lifetime we were all on together.

You both sacrificed so much for us.

_That's_ what you were trying to teach me, wasn't it? It's what you were trying to teach us all. That love is a strength, not a weakness, that real love makes us strong enough to sacrifice everything for the good of those we love most.

You weren't afraid of her. You never were. You always loved her but the two of you? You loved us _more_. And that's what kept you strong. That's what made you my hero.

I would give anything to be able to tell you that, to tell you that you could have made a life worth living even after everything that happened. _We_ were all right, Chakotay, we would never have faulted either of you for choosing something for yourselves. I wish I could tell you that. I wish I knew a way.

I fold my fingers together. The words I meant to say today seem inadequate now that I understand the truth and I look out over the crowd and even though there are no sons and daughters I know that _we_ are your legacy. The good that we have done and will do is _your_ good made real, your sacrifice made meaningful.

I let the tears fall.

"Today," I say in a strong and steady voice, "today _Sto-vo-kor_ welcomes Chakotay, the strongest warrior I have ever known."

###


	5. Chapter 5

**"Origami"**

**Step Five:**

_Open your boat, climb aboard, and prepare for a new adventure!_

I unfold the pale blue blanket with the yellow and white sailboat and shake out the wrinkles and tuck it around my sleeping daughter. The blanket is the gift you sent ahead because you were afraid you wouldn't make it back in time for the party today. But you were wrong, your assignment ended earlier than you thought and you and Tom are on your way home from the shuttle port right now.

It's been six months and I can't wait to see you. You won't even recognize Miral.

The door opens right on time and I race through the house and there you are standing on the porch just as large as life. I fling myself into your arms. "_Kahless_, it's good to see you, Chakotay."

"You, too."

My husband laughs at us. "I can't remember the last time _I_ got a reception that warm." He shakes his head and moves toward the back of the house with your duffle bag in hand. "I'll just put this in the guest room."

You release me and follow him through the house. "No, I can get a room," you say and reach for the bag.

I swat your hand away. "Don't be an idiot. You're staying with us."

"Not for the whole week, B'Elanna," you warn but you know there's no point in arguing with us and you sigh. "Only until the reunion, then I need to find a place anyway."

"I just heard about that," Tom calls from the hallway. "Reassignment, right? Maybe a position here on _terra firma_?"

"That's right."

I look up at you with surprise. "Really?"

You nod. "I'll tell you about it later. But first…can I see her?"

Tom and I both smile. Just this morning we were wondering how soon you'd ask to see the baby. "Only if you're quiet," I warn. "I just put her down for her nap."

Tom turns to me. "She'll be wide awake for lunch?"

I nod. "And there will be plenty of people to pass her around."

"Lunch?" you ask.

"We invited a few people to come before Miral's party," I say. "Just some of the crew. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," you whisper, and we enter the nursery. You creep right up to the side of the crib and peer down and your whole face softens. "She's beautiful," you breathe and reach out and touch her forehead with your fingertips. "Just beautiful. And getting so big."

Tom and I both nod. "Hair and teeth and everything," he says and I poke him in the side.

"She's walking now," I say. "We can't keep up with her. She's kind of a holy terror."

You give us both a wide-eyed and disbelieving look. "Your kid? A holy terror? I can't imagine how _that_ happened!"

Tom laughs and I roll my eyes. "That's exactly what Admiral Janeway said." I loop my arm through the crook of your elbow and lead you back to the kitchen. "You two always did think alike."

"Not always," you say softly and there's so much regret in it I want to stop and shake you but it's too happy an occasion – Miral's first birthday party and the beginning of the reunion week – to get mad so I just let it go.

"Come on. I've had a cup of tea waiting for you all morning."

The three of us settle around the kitchen table with coffee and tea. There's a plate in the middle of the table piled high with brownies the Admiral sent over. I was going to save them for today's lunch but she suggested I set them out early. The look on your face when you grab one and stuff it in your mouth and realize where they must have come from is priceless and it occurs to me that the Admiral knew exactly what she was doing.

Very sly, the Admiral.

Tom and I exchange a knowing glance. "So," my husband says. "What's this reassignment all about?"

You shrug and brush brownie crumbs from your chin. "You know I was only provisionally assigned to the _Pasteur_."

We both nod. "Weren't you invited to stay on?" I ask.

"I was, but it wasn't the right fit," you say. "After Seven left, I…" You look up suddenly. "You know Seven left the ship after three weeks, right? And we're not…together?"

I am so relieved at this confirmation that I can't even speak. She was wrong for you. Even though I was glad that you were at least trying to grab some of the happiness you deserve I was never sure you'd find it with Seven. Tom sits back in his chair. "The fact that she moved to Flantise four months ago and you didn't was a dead giveaway."

You narrow your eyes at Tom. "We could have decided to try a long-distance relationship," you say slowly.

I shake my head. "Not you. Not any of the _Voyagers_. We've all had enough of being apart from the people we love, so it was pretty clear when she went there and you didn't that something was up." I sip my coffee. "Then you stopped talking about her in your letters."

"I guess I did. And you're right about not wanting to be away from people anymore." You grab another brownie and break it in half in your fingertips. "I've also had enough of deep space for a while. I guess I can see myself going back out on short assignments. Actually, I can't imagine a day when I _won't_ want to be out there at least part of the time. But no long-range missions. I'm getting too old for that."

I snort and you give me a dirty look. "Sorry."

You shrug and continue around a mouthful of brownie. "When my provisional assignment was about to be up, I asked for something Earth-based."

"And?" my husband prompts.

"And HQ got back to me with a couple different choices." You glance up at us from lowered lids. "I also have an offer from Arizona State. Anthropology and xenobiology."

"Wow," I say. "You'd really resign?"

"Under the right circumstances, yes."

"What circumstances would those be?" my husband asks and just as you're about to answer the door chime rings.

Tom and I both look at the clock and then at each other. We know who it must be at the door. "Come on in," Tom calls.

Half a minute later she's standing next to your chair. "Kathryn," you gasp and when you start to rise she places her hand on your shoulder and you sit back down slowly and the look on your face, Chakotay…the look on your face…

I've seen you startled and relieved and even blissful before but never all at once.

Hours later after all the birthday party guests are gone and you and the Admiral have wandered off somewhere I start to put away all the birthday presents. When I shake out the little crib sheets the Admiral gave us I laugh out loud.

A life worth living. Finally a life worth living.

There are happy tears in my eyes later when I lay Miral down on a pale blue sheet decorated with yellow and white sailboats. Then I smile and fold your matching blanket around her.

-END-


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